Why Marriage Has Lost Its Sacredness

Maine has just become the fifth state to allow marriage of homosexual couples. With the increase in states exploring this issue and the recent controversy over Miss California’s comments, gay marriage continues to be a hot topic in both legal and church debates. Over the past several years, conservatives and liberals have clashed over the “sanctity of marriage,” particularly over whether the government should grant equal marriage rights to homosexual couples. Many see the trend toward gay marriage as a severe threat to the God-given covenant of marriage and to the Church in America itself. In the midst of these battles over the legalization of gay “marriage” I fear that the Church has completely missed the point. We must ask ourselves – which is the greater threat to Christian marriage, “gay rights,” or the Church’s accommodation to and continuing partnership with the state in the issue of marriage? By signing marriage licenses and “lawfully” wedding couples by the “power vested” by the state, the Church is granting the state a stake in a holy institution, and in the process, losing its distinct and radical witness. Marriage today has become a legal issue rather than an ecclesiological issue – an issue of discipleship of Jesus Christ. One reason for the failing of marriage in the U.S. is that we have given the covenant of marriage over to the state to grant to any couple willing to sign a piece of paper.

            This weekend I officiated my fourth wedding. As a young minister, leading a couple through the sacred vows of marriage is a wonderful and holy act. Through the words that are spoken and the covenant that is sealed, it is wonderfully evident that marriage is something more than a legal contract. The historical and traditional understanding of marriage within the Church insists that marriage between any two baptized Christians is not only a ceremony or an institution, but a sacrament. The sacrament is not the actual ceremony or pastoral declarations, but the marriage contract itself – again, not the wedding license that the couple receives from the state, but the vows that each spouse makes to the other. While Baptists do not often use the language of sacrament to describe even baptism or communion – much less marriage – the term sacrament implies that grace is effected through the practice, in effect, a participation in the divine life of God. This grace helps each spouse to help the other advance in holiness and cooperate in God’s plan of redemption by forming and raising a family of faith.  While I might not personally use the term sacrament to describe marriage, I do believe that marriage can effect grace and impart grace to others through the joint mission and relationship of the couple. In this way, marriage is more than merely a union of two people; it is, in fact, a type and symbol of the divine union between Christ, the Bridegroom, and his Church, the Bride. It is an act of discipleship, whereas two people become one because they believe they can better serve God and carry on Jesus’ mission together rather than on their own. Through marriage, we participate not only in God’s creative act but in the mission of Christ – quite a different intention and purpose than what we understand as state marriage today.

This is why it is important to distinguish Christian marriage from state unions. At their Convocation in April, the Alliance of Baptists discussed a proposal calling for affiliated clergy to stop signing marriage licenses. While the proposal has not been ratified, here is an excerpt:

 “Historically and legislatively, the U.S. government has granted clergy the right to certify marriages, but many of us have not examined fully the implications of participating in this system, thus creating a somewhat muddy and unfortunate union of church and state.  Marriage licenses and the civil rights that are afforded with them are best awarded by the state and federal governments. The church should be in the business of blessing relationships in the name of God, not the state. Clergy should lead in offering such blessings and churches should act to support those relationships blessed under the auspices of their faith community. . . . In order to be faithful to and consistent in our calling, we invite all clergy affiliated with the Alliance of Baptists and its partner organizations to refrain from acting as an agent of the state by signing marriage licenses . . . .”

            And while the evangelical and liberal branches of the Church have both been misguided in the issue of marriage, I believe this proposal gets it right! Legal marriage and Christian marriage are two separate relationships. State-sanctioned unions are essentially only a tax identity based upon a marriage license – be they hetero- or homosexual. The terminology does not matter; only the Church can grant true marriage, or Holy Matrimony. By mingling Church and legal marriage into one ceremony and relationship, the Church has helped diminish the “sanctity” of marriage by turning it into yet another state institution. In short, the Church should not be in the business of granting legal marriage, or in fact protesting against state-granted unions to homosexual couples, but should be in the business of distinguishing its practice, and sacrament, of marriage over and against state forms of civil union. I commend the Alliance’s proposal that ministers of the Gospel should refrain from signing state marriage certificates and remain in the business of blessing monogamous, faithful, and life-long relationships between two committed, loving, Christian persons in the name of Christ.

The Church can, and certainly should, continue to discuss the issue of gay marriage – within the Church. It is an important issue and one that we should discuss with a concern to rightly discern the scriptures and maintain Jesus’ imperatives to hospitality, justice, righteousness, and faithfulness. It is not an easy issue. However, our discussion is about marriage within the Church – not government-sanctioned unions. When churches send members to picket and protest against “gay marriage,” or spend billions of dollars in protest (money that could be put to much more biblical use), we once again miss the point and veer away from our distinct and special calling and mission. Marriage will remain holy and sacred, not based upon whether the U.S. government legalizes marriage between homosexual couples, but based on whether or not we remain faithful to Christ’s mission to be on the side of justice and mercy, and most importantly, to live in this world as a band of radical pilgrims, witnessing through our loving and faithful relationships and church community to the radical love of our Savior and bridegroom.